Drowning
by yurisnow
Summary: Sam sat down in the middle of the floor. He cradled his head in his arms and stared at the ground. He let the tears fall. He let the pain of what he had just done over come him. Hurt!Sam - Complete


Standing alone in the room, Sam didn't know what to do. He wasn't functioning. Yeah, he was awake right now and breathing and his mind was working but he was running off instincts. He didn't know what to do or say. Desperately wanting his brother, Sam called out softly. "Dean."

No response. "Dean?"

Again, no response. Sam didn't get that he was alone. That Dean wasn't in the room right now because he was cleaning up the mess. The mess that Sam made. Dean had left him in the motel to do something... Sam couldn't remember what it was...

Sam sat down in the middle of the floor. He cradled his head in his arms and stared at the ground. He let the tears fall. Sam felt the tears slid into his cuts on his face. He felt them burn and then leave a hot trail down his face. He had stopped crying but now, he continued. Dean wasn't around to comfort him. Dean wasn't alone to tell him everything was alright. Dean wasn't here to hold him.

The memories flooded back to him. What he had done. What mess he had left.

_"Please Sam, I don't want to live as a monster. I don't want to continue killing people or hurting the people I love." Madison said looking up at Sam._

_"I can't." Sam said with tears in his eyes. "I can't do it Madison."_

_"Please, it'll be for the better," Madison placed her hand on the gun. She picked it up by the barrel and placed the handgrip facing Sam._

_"Madison..." Sam whispered trying to finish what he was going to say. _

_"Sam, please," Madison forced the gun into his hand. "If you do it, you'll know I'd die happy."_

_Sam took the gun and went into the other room. Sam had tears cascading down his face. "I can do it for you."_

_Sam shook his head. "No. I will." Sam turned away from Dean who also had tears in his eyes. Sam followed Madison into the room. _

_Madison smiled as the tears fell down her face. "Thank you." She stood on her tip toes and kissed Sam. "I love you." She muttered._

_Sam placed the gun on her chest right above her heart. Sam closed his eyes and pulled the trigger. A shot rang out through the room. "I love you too." Sam sobbed as Madison collapsed to the ground. Sam stood there with the gun still pointing at where her heart was._

The sobs sent his body shaking. He tried to breath but he was crying too hard. He couldn't get a breath in. Sam felt like he was drowning in his own tears. He felt like he was drowning in the pain of having to kill the girl he loved.

Sam began to gag because he couldn't catch his breath. Now, Sam was on all fours, like a dog, gag and sobbing. He felt the tears roll of his face and hit the ground. Sam started to throw up because he had gotten himself so worked up.

Sam vomited on the floor and he cried harder because of the pain of vomiting and Madison was too much to bare.

"Sam?"

Sam felt a hand on his back hitting his back because he was still gagging. Sam turned his head to see Dean crouching beside him trying to calm him down. Now that Dean was here, Sam collapsed into Dean. The force of him falling into his older brother knocked both of them to the ground.

"Sam, you have to calm down. You've already puked. You're going to start choking soon." Dean warned his brother before things got bad.

Sam knew he was right. He was currently drowning in his own grief. Sam took a deep, flattered breath and tried to calm down.

"C'mon Sammy, you can do it." Dean encouraged his brother. It was just what Sam needed. He needed the encouragement. Sam began to calm down and soon had silent tears rolling down his face. "There you go," Dean whispered softly. "Can you stand up?" Sam nodded but Dean still helped him up. "Let's get you into your bed." Dean helped Sam into his bed and out of his shoes and his jeans. Dean handed him a pair of sweats. Sam slid them on without further instructions. After that, he stood looking at Dean. The tears had now stopped.

"C'mon get into the bed Sammy," Dean pulled the covers back and helped Sam into bed. "Here, take this."

Sam swallowed the Nyquil and laid down with his back to Dean. "It'll be alright. The Nyquil will knock you out." Dean rubbed Sam's back.

Sam was left to fall asleep in the drowning grief of Madison on his mind.


End file.
